Your partners have all had the same complaints about you
You may notice patterns in your relationships — maybe you find yourself complaining about how all of your partners have treated you unfairly or how they all have the same annoying habits. While patterns are evident in your ex-partners, your exes may all have the same complaints about you, too.
Take some time to consider how your previous relationships ended. While excessive rumination can lead to unhealthy thoughts and depression, some research suggests this type of reflection can actually speed the emotional healing process after a breakup. You’re also a lot more likely to recognize mistakes you tend to repeat.
Your expectations are outrageous
You probably expect your partner to be your No. 1 fan, the person who’s always there for you. It’s fine to treat your partner with the same respect as you would a best friend, but keep in mind your partner cannot fulfill every need and desire. Dr. James McNulty, a professor of psychology at Florida State University, told The Independent, “People need to have some idea of what they can get from a marriage before they get it.” If you’re serious about your partner, understand what you can realistically expect out of your relationship. If you demand too much from your partner, you’ll be left disappointed and your partner will feel like they’ve underachieved.
You always want things to go your way every time
You’ve heard it before and you’ll hear it again — relationships are all about compromise. While it’s important to have your own hopes and dreams to share with your partner, your future goals should somewhat intersect. If you find you’re the one calling the shots and you’re expecting your partner to go along with your plans with no push-back, then you could be hurting your relationship.
If you’re unsure of how to have both your needs and your partner’s needs met, Oprah.com recommends asking yourself this question: Am I asking my partner to change something about themselves that makes them unique? If the answer is yes, it’s time for some self-reflection.
You bring up past events when you argue
No one wants to be reminded of their wrongdoings over and over again, so take notice if this is your go-to tactic for winning an argument. Your disagreements should be about exactly what’s happening in the moment and less about the fight you and your partner had two years ago. Keep your conversations relevant so you can find a good way to move forward.
On Ask the Psychologist, Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D, writes any time an argument with your partner lasts longer than 10 minutes, the past is bound to crop up. When these emotional memories start integrating into the current discussion, the topic that was up for debate to begin with becomes completely lost, and emotions are likely to boil over. To avoid straying too far from the point, always make it a rule to avoid speaking of the past.
You have nothing good to say about your partner
We all complain to our friends about our partners, but if every word out of your mouth is something nasty about the one you supposedly love, you should take a look inward. While letting out steam is necessary in many cases, it should lead to a deeper understanding of the problem and, ultimately, a resolution. Being overly-critical will only lead to resentment for both of you.
Remember, you started dating your partner for a reason. There was something in them, whether it was their charming nature or outlook on life, that made you want to spend time with them. Try to get back to that instead of focusing on the negative. The Huffington Post recommends paying your partner a compliment and thanking them for the smaller things they do every day to make them feel more appreciated.
Source: Cheatsheet
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