In a press conference today, former US president George W Bush announced to the world that he has decided to convert to the Islamic faith. This amazing conversion story has shocked both the global Muslim community and the American public. Bush appeared before the media, along side his long time friend and confidante Shaikh Hamza Yusuf, to tell of his conversion and to answer any questions from those in attendance.
Describing how he felt after he had embraced the faith, Bush said,
“Well, in the words of the great James Brown, I feel good. Like I knew that I would. I feel good. So good. So good. I got you Allah.”
The former commander and chief continued,
“After takin’ my shay-hay-day, I feel such a sense of relief, such a sense of calm. Like the calm after the storm when the rescue teams come. Like the calm after Katrina, y’all know what I mean?”
A reflective Bush continued to tell of his long time affection for Islam,
“I always said, even while I occupied my office and Iraq, that Islam was a religion of peace, and I really meant that. I know I lied about other things, but that was one of the true ones. Y’all are so nice, an’ welcoming. Almost like a whole religion of Texans. It really changed my life when I found out white people could be Muzlums too. Its like I learned somethin’ or somethin’. Its hard to express what I’m feelin’ in words y’all will understand. Knocked my socks off, tell ya what. Knocked ’em clean off. Its like someone just came in and turned all the lights on. I was in complete darkness pretty much before, but now I feel pretty happy. I feel fresh like a new born baby boy.”
When asked if it was his own self studying of the religion that had brought him to his decision, Bush stated,
“Well to be honest, not really, not really no. I mean, I have been a friend for a long time with my buddy Hamza here,” the former president said as he slapped Shaikh Hamza Yusuf on the knee in a jovial manner.
Speaking of his long time mentor, Bush said,
“I give a lot of credit to Shaikh Hamza, or Hammy as I like to call him. Hammy an’ me go way back, and he’s helped me a lot you know, teachin’ me the basics of the deeni-oolla. How’s my teej-wad Hammy?”
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Shaikh Hamza Yusuf smiled, nodding his head in the affirmative. The respected California based scholar offered much praise for the newly converted Bush,
“I have known brother George for over a decade now. I can remember the first time I met him in the Oval Office. There was just something about him, I could see noor just pouring off his face,” the Shaikh said as he began to tear up, “I thought… (sniff), Wallahi… Huwa min Ahlil Jannah!… (sniff)… and I made du’a for him ‘Oh Allah, give this beautiful man faith in You.’ And here he is today, he has said his testimony in front of two witnesses. His whole past life of sins are totally wiped clean, he has a fresh start. He is totally forgiven, completely innocent, as the day he was born.”
“Yeah, I like that part,” chuckled the former president. “Cuz I’ve made some real doozies in my day. But its all smooth sailin’ from here on in to Janet Faradawzi. That’s the Muzlum word for heaven. I don’t know who Janet was, maybe Adam’s third wife or somethin’.”
Among the gathered reporters was Muntadhar al-Zaidi, an Iraqi journalist and broadcaster who infamously threw his size 10 shoe at the then President several years prior. Al-Zaidi addressed the newly converted Bush saying,
“Mr. President, I am so overjoyed that you have embraced the true religion, and you have come to your senses. I just want to say that please accept my apology for throwing my size 10 shoe at you, and for calling you a dog. It is really wrong for a Muslim to hurt another Muslim, so I just wanted to ask your pardon for that lack of good manners.”
“Well here’s the deal Zaidi,” Bush said, “I sure do forgive you. I mean, if Allah can forgive all the things I did to your country of Iraq, and all the things I did in Afghaniland, I think I can find it in my heart to forgive a Muzlum brother. So al ham-doo-la-la-la. So long as ya aren’t one of them shi’ites, its all good bud.”
With that, the former leader of the free world ended the press conference with prayers of peace and a heartfelt thank you,
“Thank y’all so much for being so kind, really means somethin’ to me. Wa lakaam asalaam wa rami-toola wa abracadbratuhu. I’m still workin’ on my teej-wad, but y’all know what I mean. Peace.”
reported by the Mullah Liam ad-Deen Team
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