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Even if the guy you married was the most disgusting pig in the whole universe, you should admit that lowering your standards so severely was your choice. Every divorce is built on those things that were created during courtship. It is during this time that the future of a marriage is decided. If you don’t have the ability to analyse what was injected into your brain during those few critical years or months of courtship, then whatever happens in your marriage is your funeral, not ours...
Must all celebrities publicly play the blame game at the end of their marriages, assigning blames like football fans after a bad match day? Must they turn their divorces into a bride versus groom contest with their fans taking sides? Trust the Nigerian press and bloggers who are ever too quick to join the accusation bandwagon to exonerate their preferred spouse without proper investigation. I wonder why Naija Bet hasn’t thought of adding a slot on their platform for forecasting the longevity of celebrity marriages in Nigeria.
It is much easier to predict how long a Nigerian celebrity marriage will last these days than the scoreline of a Chelsea FC versus Arsenal FC match. When you get right down to the root of most celebrity divorces, you will discover it all boils down to one simple conclusion to which most females adhere: their men are always at fault. The guilt and punishment are simply assigned to whoever happens to have the penis.
Haven’t you all redefined coincidence, with all your husbands accused of domestic violence? Where are the pictorial evidences to back up your accusations? Have all Nigerian men all of a sudden become monsters? Most female celebs now seem to be focused on exposing their husbands or catching them red-handed? Not knowing that the more they take that route, the more convinced they become that their husbands are really cheating. The language of most journalists and bloggers (infidelity experts) out there centres on one theme: “catch, prove and divorce”. Yes your husband erred, but why let the world know? Does his trial at the public court make you feel good? Do you feel any more righteous by making him the villain and you the good guy?
Stop acting like your secrets are finally out; everyone knows that your partner didn’t just start having an affair. It is the obvious truth that most celebrity marriages are built on adultery, and whatever adultery joins together, adultery shall put asunder. Your emotions wouldn’t be in turmoil today if you had listened to your gut feelings yesterday. But my dear, before you decide to take the road of divorce to wherever it may lead, you must first consider the real cost of going that route. This is because If you choose to get a divorce without knowing the real reason yourhusband cheated on you in the first place, you’d just be circling around the same problem instead of fixing it and preventing it from happening in the future.
Put your emotions aside for a moment and ask yourself, why on earth would your husband fall into the arms of another woman when he has a caring, compassionate and loving woman at home? Ask yourself where you went wrong. Maybe the reason you had a cheating husband was because he had a set of needs that you were unable to fulfill because of your gallivanting lifestyle as a celebrity. The blame often starts within the walls of your mind and results in you holding him responsible for the collapse of the marriage. At this point, nothing he says could ever provide an adequate answer, but you just keep asking the same questions over and over again.
People should also know that in most celebrity divorces, not all blames come from within. Some of the most painful and damaging blames come from people outside the marriage, who feel they need to pass judgments.
To the press and bloggers having a swell time with every celebrity divorce, I hope you know that it’s very easy to lay blames when you’re on the sidelines. You are acting like a spectator at a football match with a bird’s-eye view of all the action, while those playing on the field get consumed by the waves of emotions that accompany their divorce.
To our female celebrities, whenever you find yourself wanting to lay those blames, please relax for a moment and think about the appropriateness of the blames. Think about the consequences of your accusations. Try to examine the situation from multiple viewpoints. And to you husbands who are being blamed, especially after you have cheated or been mistaken to have cheated, please understand that your women are lashing out because of their fears and insecurities. And as a man, there is a great level of maturity in accepting responsibility for your behaviour and taking the blame for your actions.
Divorce is a winless game that is best not played. In Onyeka Onwenu’s voice, may there be peace in our homes. Amen.