Dear NairaLeak Readers!!! I am Blessing from PH
It's Harder to See Everything About Oneself objectively, Sometimes
Is it abnormal to go from feeling very guilty to pretty good to so hurt that I can't get out of bed? Does that make me bipolar or is it a normal, just a bit oversensitive reaction to my life situation?
I have unresolved issues from the past that haunt me. I have present issues that affect my life more or less. I know my worth, but often just sit there wondering what use I am to anyone - nobody really likes me a whole lot, except my parents and grandparents. I love my boyfriend, but sometimes really feel he's not trying at all, like I don't matter to him; yet, on the other hand I know what he's done for me and do feel often enough that he really cares beyond what he admits. I have such mixed feelings about myself, but these days it's worse. Tonight I feel fine, because I had fun today - but this morning I was so sad I barely got myself out of bed and, if not for my mom who nagged me up, I might have just given up trying to wake at all.
I wish I could go to a psychologist about these and more - it'd be good for me on more levels. But something is stopping me. Maybe it's that I've been disappointed or given up on by every psychologist I ever opened up to. Maybe it's that I feel there's a lot of work I'm not sure I can do. Maybe it's that I find letting someone to know me well enough to help is hard work. Maybe it's that it's expensive and I'd have to get the money from relatives willing to help. That two very important people in my life insulted me by saying I'm mentally ill (as opposed to giving a qualified diagnosis, they were just being rude) doesn't help. I'm kind of afraid that a good psychologist might say they were right about me.
I just don't feel up to it. Even now, that I feel better, I don't feel up to anything. & typing this has depressed me a little.
I have unresolved issues from the past that haunt me. I have present issues that affect my life more or less. I know my worth, but often just sit there wondering what use I am to anyone - nobody really likes me a whole lot, except my parents and grandparents. I love my boyfriend, but sometimes really feel he's not trying at all, like I don't matter to him; yet, on the other hand I know what he's done for me and do feel often enough that he really cares beyond what he admits. I have such mixed feelings about myself, but these days it's worse. Tonight I feel fine, because I had fun today - but this morning I was so sad I barely got myself out of bed and, if not for my mom who nagged me up, I might have just given up trying to wake at all.
I wish I could go to a psychologist about these and more - it'd be good for me on more levels. But something is stopping me. Maybe it's that I've been disappointed or given up on by every psychologist I ever opened up to. Maybe it's that I feel there's a lot of work I'm not sure I can do. Maybe it's that I find letting someone to know me well enough to help is hard work. Maybe it's that it's expensive and I'd have to get the money from relatives willing to help. That two very important people in my life insulted me by saying I'm mentally ill (as opposed to giving a qualified diagnosis, they were just being rude) doesn't help. I'm kind of afraid that a good psychologist might say they were right about me.
I just don't feel up to it. Even now, that I feel better, I don't feel up to anything. & typing this has depressed me a little.
YOU CAN GET YOUR ISSUES PUBLISHED AND GET ADVICE, Send email to nairaleak@gmail.com
Am Happy You pointed out that you Know your WORTH!!!! But the key here is that you need to take advantage of this reality and uphold a high esteem of your self. Thank God You have a Boy friend, try to solicit his company to get a sufficient level of joy and happiness. I pray God be with you. I also Welcome others to be generous with their advice! You never can tell what those little words of yours could turn around in the life of this person.
ReplyDelete